Cross-Stitch

Charts, patterns and everything needlepoint

A Bitch in Time Offers Salty Cross-Stitch Patterns

by

If you’re the sort of person to be turned off or offended by a cross-stitch book called A Bitch in Time, you should probably move on from this review right now.

It’s a book full of 30 snarky cross-stitch patterns (or as the subtitle puts it, sarcastic stitches for you to stab) by crafty sister-brother duo Tara K. Reed and Roy W.P. Reed.

The sayings are twisted, sometimes off-color statements, puns and plays on more familiar sentiments. You can stitch a neon sign to remind everyone of your passive aggressive personality, or a star-studded piece complete with stitched tiara that says “swearing is part of my charm.”

There are a few statements in this book I can’t reprint on a family website, but others are just funny (like “just fries no guys,” “he’s just one guy in the grand scheme of flings,” “I’m not off-kilter, I have no kilter” or “sarcasm is a condiment put it on everything” stitched in the colors of ketchup, mustard and pickle relish).

A gallery of the designs includes skill level, size of the design and the frame size used in the sample. Color charts and a list of floss colors are found at the back of the book. Tips on stitching, reading charts and materials are also found at the back of the book, which will be helpful for new stitchers or those who need a refresher.

If you’re a cross-stitcher with a snarky side and you don’t mind the occasional swear word or sex joke, this collection will provide a lot of laughs and some fun stitching for all your friends with dirty minds and sarcastic hearts.

About the book: 100 pages, paperback, 30 patterns. Retails for $29.99. Published by the Reed Studio. Buy online.

Looking for more Snarky or Subversive Cross stitch charts and designs? Check these out on Etsy. 

Next Pattern:

Have you read?

Cross Stitch Ice Cream and Frozen Treats

Summer is the time for sweet treats, whether eating them or stitching them. This collection of patterns is full of designs that are good enough to eat. Almost. 

This year of ice creams from Simone Balman Art is lots of fun, and you could also stitch up these treats individually if you’d rather. The full piece is 210 by 300 stitches, though it’s not full coverage. It uses 25 colors and comes out to 13.6 by 20.1 inches, or 34.5 by 51.2 cm, as shown on 14 count fabric. 

These mini Popsicles from Mariana Gonclaves ART as super sweet and quick to stitch. These would also be a fun border to another summer project. The full design is 43 by 46 stitches, which is 3.1 by 3.3 inches, or 7.8 by 8.3 cm, on 14 count fabric. 

Sam X Stitch has this fun sweet treat sampler, which again would be fun to stitch as individual pieces (maybe on napkins?). In all it calls for 18 colors and measures 153 by 153 stitches. That comes out to 10.93 inches or 27.75 cm on 14 count fabric. 

Another great sampler is this one with ice cream and other sweet treats from Cute Patterns by Maria. At 119 by 132 stitches total, working the full pattern would be about 8.6 by 9.4 inches, or 22 by 24 cm on 14 count fabric, and it uses 33 colors. You can also stitch individual designs, which range in height from 35 to 45 stitches, and in width from 11 to 28. 

This collection of four sundae patterns from Stichrovia would be fun to make for a kitchen or a teen’s room. Each pattern is around 40 by 50 stitches, so they should fit in a four or five inch hoop if worked on 14 count fabric. 

Or stitch up one of the treats from Stitch Chart Studio‘s collection of seven ice cream cross stitch patterns. These range in size and in number of colors needed, but most would fit in a five or six in hoop (and one in a four inch hoop).