Cross-Stitch

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A Bitch in Time Offers Salty Cross-Stitch Patterns

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If you’re the sort of person to be turned off or offended by a cross-stitch book called A Bitch in Time, you should probably move on from this review right now.

It’s a book full of 30 snarky cross-stitch patterns (or as the subtitle puts it, sarcastic stitches for you to stab) by crafty sister-brother duo Tara K. Reed and Roy W.P. Reed.

The sayings are twisted, sometimes off-color statements, puns and plays on more familiar sentiments. You can stitch a neon sign to remind everyone of your passive aggressive personality, or a star-studded piece complete with stitched tiara that says “swearing is part of my charm.”

There are a few statements in this book I can’t reprint on a family website, but others are just funny (like “just fries no guys,” “he’s just one guy in the grand scheme of flings,” “I’m not off-kilter, I have no kilter” or “sarcasm is a condiment put it on everything” stitched in the colors of ketchup, mustard and pickle relish).

A gallery of the designs includes skill level, size of the design and the frame size used in the sample. Color charts and a list of floss colors are found at the back of the book. Tips on stitching, reading charts and materials are also found at the back of the book, which will be helpful for new stitchers or those who need a refresher.

If you’re a cross-stitcher with a snarky side and you don’t mind the occasional swear word or sex joke, this collection will provide a lot of laughs and some fun stitching for all your friends with dirty minds and sarcastic hearts.

About the book: 100 pages, paperback, 30 patterns. Retails for $29.99. Published by the Reed Studio. Buy online.

Looking for more Snarky or Subversive Cross stitch charts and designs? Check these out on Etsy. 

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Patriotic Cross Stitch Patterns

Summer is the time of patriotic holidays in the United States, so it’s a great time to stitch up some red, white and blue cross stitch projects for the Fourth of July or just for summer decor.

Curious Carrie Designs has this cute Americana pattern that would be great to have on display all summer long. It includes an American flag in a watering can full of flowers. The design measure 55 by 60 stitches, which comes out to 4 by 4.375 inches, or 10 by a little more than 11 cm, when worked on 14 count fabric. (The sample is shown on 32 count linen, which is more like 16.) It uses 16 colors.

This Fourth of July design from Lotus Lake Stitching is specific to the holiday, but it wouldn’t have to be if you didn’t stitch the words. The little buildings and fireworks are so cute, and I love that random red, white and blue bird. It uses nine colors and measures 247 by 83 stitches. That’s 17.3 by 5.9 inches, or about 44 by 15 cm on 14 count fabric.

The burlap colored fabric on this project from Needle Treasures Nook makes it look especially rustic, but it would have a different look with pure white or light blue fabric behind the stitches. This one uses nine colors and is 72 by 71 stitches, and was worked on tea-dyed 36 count linen fabric.

The Sub Rosa Design has this patriotic garden design full of geometric red, white and blue flowers. This is one of a series of their designs so if you like it you should check them all out. This one is 131 by 71 stitches and is about 7.8 by 4 inches/20 by 10 cm on 36 count linen.

Wombat Stitching offers this one that is fully Fourth of July (and a little Captain America for fun I guess). It uses nine colors and is 193 by 193 stitches. That comes out to about 13.8 inches or 35 cm square on 14 count fabric.