Funny Valentine’s Cross Stitch Patterns

After writing about the same holidays for many years, it can be hard to find new things to share, so I love to come at holidays from different angles, which is what these funny Valentine’s day cross stitch patterns do.

If you really don’t like other people that much, except for your one person, I have a couple of options for you. “You Suck the Least” from Steph X Stitch uses the classic conversation heart shape to deliver its snarky message. This one fits in a 6-inch hoop (that’s 15.24 cm) when worked on 14 count fabric, and I think it uses three colors.

Take it ever further with “I Hate You the Least” from Grammy’s Cuss Stitch. This one is decorated with flowers and hearts and I think it also fits in a 6-inch hoop but the description is a little unclear.

Get prehistoric with your Valentine greetings with this T-Rex love story from Aliton Embroidery. Using just two colors, it measures 62 by 54 stitches, or 4.4 by 3.9 inches/11.25 by 9.8 cm on 14 count fabric. It also only uses full cross stitches, so even if you’re a beginner you can make this one.

If your love story transcends even death, stitch up this heartfelt skeleton valentine from Sassy Fox Cross Stitch. It uses three colors and measures 95 by 60 stitches. That comes out to 6.8 by 4.3 inches or 17.2 by 10.9 cm on 14 count fabric. If you’d like to make it smaller the product description includes sizing for other fabric counts as well.

If you just can’t be bothered to get excited about Valentine’s Day, I bring you the meh conversation heart cross stitch pattern from Magic Maus Menagerie. This project uses 3 colors and comes out to 6.1 by 5.7 inches, or about 15.5 by 14.5 cm.

Do you make cross stitch projects for Valentine’s Day? I’d love to hear what you’re stitching up or if you make one of these snarky projects!

Most of the cross stitch projects I make are pretty small and not something I would consider heirloom quality (though I am working on a big project for my daughter that I hope to have done for her high school graduation in two years that I hope is something she’ll want to keep forever, but that’s another story).

But it is definitely possible to cross stitch projects that will stay around for generations, and one prime example of that is a cross-stitched linen tablecloth.

Linen tablecloths are classic, while stitching one can be a big project, depending on the size of your table, it doesn’t have to be really complicated.

Koekoek has a good, detailed post about figuring out how much linen you would need to make a tablecloth that you can cross stitch and/or embroider on (they also sell tablecloth linen in their shop if you don’t already have some or a linen tablecloth you already use). Of course for a project like this you’d want the best fabric you can find and afford, because you’ll be stitching it for a long time and hopefully using it for years.

The post walks through how to measure your table and determine how much fabric you’ll need including the drop you’ll want and hems. It includes the math for rectangular and square tables as well as circular tables, which helps take the guesswork out of buying fabric. It also talks about preparing the fabric and making mitered corners if you have a square or rectangular table, which will help the tablecloth sit nicely on your table.

The tutorial doesn’t include specific patterns to use for your tablecloth, but it does advise keeping it simple because this is a really big project. You can start with a motif in the center or doing borders, and this is a project you can add to through the years by, say, stitching a symbol for each family member or adding names, wedding dates, etc. and making it a real record of your family.

Would you ever cross stitch a tablecloth or have you done so? I’d love to hear about it!

[Photo: Koekoek]

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