A Bitch in Time Offers Salty Cross-Stitch Patterns

If you’re the sort of person to be turned off or offended by a cross-stitch book called A Bitch in Time, you should probably move on from this review right now.

It’s a book full of 30 snarky cross-stitch patterns (or as the subtitle puts it, sarcastic stitches for you to stab) by crafty sister-brother duo Tara K. Reed and Roy W.P. Reed.

The sayings are twisted, sometimes off-color statements, puns and plays on more familiar sentiments. You can stitch a neon sign to remind everyone of your passive aggressive personality, or a star-studded piece complete with stitched tiara that says “swearing is part of my charm.”

There are a few statements in this book I can’t reprint on a family website, but others are just funny (like “just fries no guys,” “he’s just one guy in the grand scheme of flings,” “I’m not off-kilter, I have no kilter” or “sarcasm is a condiment put it on everything” stitched in the colors of ketchup, mustard and pickle relish).

A gallery of the designs includes skill level, size of the design and the frame size used in the sample. Color charts and a list of floss colors are found at the back of the book. Tips on stitching, reading charts and materials are also found at the back of the book, which will be helpful for new stitchers or those who need a refresher.

If you’re a cross-stitcher with a snarky side and you don’t mind the occasional swear word or sex joke, this collection will provide a lot of laughs and some fun stitching for all your friends with dirty minds and sarcastic hearts.

About the book: 100 pages, paperback, 30 patterns. Retails for $29.99. Published by the Reed Studio. Buy online.

Looking for more Snarky or Subversive Cross stitch charts and designs? Check these out on Etsy.

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Tokyo in Neon Cross Stitch Pattern

I’m primarily a knitter, and in the knitting world the “emotional support chicken” has been a big trend probably for a couple of years now (I don’t know how long something has to be popular before you can stop calling it a trend, but whatever).

There are chicken crochet patterns that are popular as well, and now I’ve found a cross stitch chicken pattern that might just become the newest iteration of the emotional support chicken theme.

The Funky Chickens pattern from Satsuma Street are three-dimensional, triangular chickens embellished with felt to make their facial features and tail feathers. The bodies include stripes, curves, speckles and other little designs to mark different parts of their bodies. They’re super cute and not any more difficult to stitch than any other pattern, though of course there’s more finishing than you would normally expect.

The pattern includes designs for three chickens, which are actually a rooster and two hens. The rooster is slightly larger, at 120 by 60 stitches, or 4 by 4 inches/10 cm when finished. The hens are 100 by 50 stitches and come out to 3.25 inches/8 cm when finished. These measurements are for stitching on 14 count fabric or 28 count over two.

The patterns use 13 colors, and if you want to make all three, one skein of each color will make all of them. In addition to your regular cross stitch supplies you’ll need three or four little pieces of felt of different colors to add all the details.

These chickens would be great to use as pincushions, or you could put something heavy in the bottom and use them as pattern weights if you do sewing. They’d also be fun gifts for anyone who likes chickens or needs a little emotional support if you explain it to them.

The pattern is available from Satsuma Street on Etsy.

[Photo: Satsuma Street]

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