A Bitch in Time Offers Salty Cross-Stitch Patterns

If you’re the sort of person to be turned off or offended by a cross-stitch book called A Bitch in Time, you should probably move on from this review right now.

It’s a book full of 30 snarky cross-stitch patterns (or as the subtitle puts it, sarcastic stitches for you to stab) by crafty sister-brother duo Tara K. Reed and Roy W.P. Reed.

The sayings are twisted, sometimes off-color statements, puns and plays on more familiar sentiments. You can stitch a neon sign to remind everyone of your passive aggressive personality, or a star-studded piece complete with stitched tiara that says “swearing is part of my charm.”

There are a few statements in this book I can’t reprint on a family website, but others are just funny (like “just fries no guys,” “he’s just one guy in the grand scheme of flings,” “I’m not off-kilter, I have no kilter” or “sarcasm is a condiment put it on everything” stitched in the colors of ketchup, mustard and pickle relish).

A gallery of the designs includes skill level, size of the design and the frame size used in the sample. Color charts and a list of floss colors are found at the back of the book. Tips on stitching, reading charts and materials are also found at the back of the book, which will be helpful for new stitchers or those who need a refresher.

If you’re a cross-stitcher with a snarky side and you don’t mind the occasional swear word or sex joke, this collection will provide a lot of laughs and some fun stitching for all your friends with dirty minds and sarcastic hearts.

About the book: 100 pages, paperback, 30 patterns. Retails for $29.99. Published by the Reed Studio. Buy online.

Looking for more Snarky or Subversive Cross stitch charts and designs? Check these out on Etsy.

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Tokyo in Neon Cross Stitch Pattern

If your cross stitch tastes run to anime, fantasy, Disney, gnomes and the like, you’ll want to check out TesLime Cross Stitch on Etsy. This Dublin-based Etsy shop boasts more than 1,000 cross stitch patterns, with a strong pop culture bent.

The largest category in the shop is Disney, and there’s a separate Disney princess category, so there’s nearly 300 Disney themed cross stitch patterns in all. Some of these are chibis but a lot of them are pretty direct copies of Disney characters. Do with that what you will.

There’s also a large fantasy section that’s heavy on Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, dragons, aliens and trolls. In the hero section you’ll find Star Wars, Harley Quinn and the Joker, the Avatar, and Marvel characters. And in anime, there’s lots of Pokemon, Attack on Titan and Ghibli-inspired designs, to name a few.

The thing that caught my eye in this shop wasn’t any of that, though. It was sardines.

There are actually several different patterns in this shop of cans of sardines. I don’t really know why, but they’re just so weird and silly that’s what I had to share. In particular this one, where the little fish are wearing little shirts. Why? Again, I don’t know, but it’s kind of cute, right?

This design is 100 by 130 stitches and uses 21 colors. It comes out to 7.14 by 9.29 inches, or 18.14 by 23.59 cm, when stitched on 14 count fabric (the pattern includes measurements for some other counts, too, if you want to make it smaller).

And all of that barely scratches the surface. There are more than 100 Christmas cross stitch patterns (these are heavy on Disney, too). A steampunk raven. A large collection of gnomes.

I think you’re just going to have to go check it out for yourself and see what strikes you. If you end up buying one of their patterns, I’d love to hear what you chose! Check them out at www.etsy.com/shop/TesLimeArt on Etsy.

[Photo: TesLime Cross Stitch]

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