Book Review: Maybe Swearing Will Help

Snarky cross stitch — whether sweary or not — has been a big trend in recent years, and if this is not your style, scroll on by. I’m not sure I can review Maybe Swearing Will Help: Relax and Curse Your Ass Off in Cross Stitch without dropping some swears (especially since there’s one in the title!).

If you are the sort who likes your language a little salty, this book is so much fun. The 25 patterns in the book come from a range of designers and include a range of curses and swears. Some of them are merely snarky like the one that says “I wish I was a Unicorn so I could stab stupid people with my head” (designed by Aliton Embroidery) or Wash Your Damn Hands from Stitchy Little Fox.

A pop art style lady wonders “what the actual f**k” (of course the whole word is in the chart) in a design by Happy Sloth, while bold letters surrounded by flowers declare “Holy s**t I Love You” in a pattern from EZBakedCrafts. Grandma Girl Designs shares an elaborate piece with flowers and skulls that says “Oh Hell No,” while BeCoProductions’ design welcomes visitors to “the s**tshow.”

And of course there’s a stitched version of the classic meme about the barren field where you grow your f**ks. This one is also from EZBakedCrafts. Oh you can say f**k it in the style of a tattoo with a heart and birds, designed by Happy Sloth.

There are lots of other patterns that get a little more sweary, but I think you get the idea.

Patterns are presented with a full page, color photo of the stitched design, a page with the finished size and variations depending on the size fabric you use (14 count is recommended) and a color chart for the required threads. The charts are presented over two or more pages so they are easy to read. Stitching tips are included throughout, as well as a section covering the basics at the beginning of the book.

If you like your stitching with a side of swearing, or know someone with a sarcastic sense of humor who would enjoy the combination of cross stitch and cursing, you’re going to love this book.

About the book: 128 pages, paperback, 25 patterns. Published 2023 by Weldon Owen. Suggested retail $22.99.

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35+ Sunflower Cross Stitch Patterns

Since I covered Ted Lasso cross stitch patterns the other day, it feels like it’s time to share some cross stitch inspired by another show that just wrapped its final season, “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” This show gave us retro style and a bunch of sassy female characters to remember. And again the patterns get a little salty thanks to one of Midge’s catchphrases.

Stitch a bunch of little characters from the show, or just your favorites from this sampler from Pixel Power Designs. The full piece measures 92 by 103 stitches and uses 13 colors. It comes out to 6.57 by 8.79 inches when worked on 14 count fabric.

Snarky Crafter Designs has a great Midge quote done in cross stitch. It is 116 by 156 stitches and uses two colors, and it uses cross stitches and back stitch. On 14 count fabric it comes out to 8.25 by 11 1/8 inches, but you can use whatever count fabric you like. And don’t act sorry about it!

Say “Thank you and goodnight!” with this Mrs. Maisel cross stitch pattern from Not Nana’s Cross Stitch on Etsy. This one looks like it uses five colors, and the design is 55 by 48 stitches.

OK, now for the salty ones. Midge and Susie are known for saying “Tits up” before a show, so of course that phrase has made it into Marvelous Mrs. Maisel cross stitch patterns. Stitch just those words in a retro font with the pattern from Stitch and Poke Company. It looks like two colors are used and the designer notes that if you use 18 count fabric the design will fit in a six-inch hoop.

Or you can stitch a Midge along with her famous phrase with a design from Fushia Hoops. This one is 72 by 105 stitches and is just over 5 by 7.5 inches worked on 14 count fabric. Let these designs be a reminder to greet every day as your feisty, awesome self.

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