Cross-Stitch

Charts, patterns and everything needlepoint

Book Review: Maybe Swearing Will Help

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Snarky cross stitch — whether sweary or not — has been a big trend in recent years, and if this is not your style, scroll on by. I’m not sure I can review Maybe Swearing Will Help: Relax and Curse Your Ass Off in Cross Stitch without dropping some swears (especially since there’s one in the title!).

If you are the sort who likes your language a little salty, this book is so much fun. The 25 patterns in the book come from a range of designers and include a range of curses and swears. Some of them are merely snarky like the one that says “I wish I was a Unicorn so I could stab stupid people with my head” (designed by Aliton Embroidery) or Wash Your Damn Hands from Stitchy Little Fox.

A pop art style lady wonders “what the actual f**k” (of course the whole word is in the chart) in a design by Happy Sloth, while bold letters surrounded by flowers declare “Holy s**t I Love You” in a pattern from EZBakedCrafts. Grandma Girl Designs shares an elaborate piece with flowers and skulls that says “Oh Hell No,” while BeCoProductions’ design welcomes visitors to “the s**tshow.”

And of course there’s a stitched version of the classic meme about the barren field where you grow your f**ks. This one is also from EZBakedCrafts. Oh you can say f**k it in the style of a tattoo with a heart and birds, designed by Happy Sloth.

There are lots of other patterns that get a little more sweary, but I think you get the idea.

Patterns are presented with a full page, color photo of the stitched design, a page with the finished size and variations depending on the size fabric you use (14 count is recommended) and a color chart for the required threads. The charts are presented over two or more pages so they are easy to read. Stitching tips are included throughout, as well as a section covering the basics at the beginning of the book.

If you like your stitching with a side of swearing, or know someone with a sarcastic sense of humor who would enjoy the combination of cross stitch and cursing, you’re going to love this book.

About the book: 128 pages, paperback, 25 patterns. Published 2023 by Weldon Owen. Suggested retail $22.99.

 

 

Have you read?

Toy Story Cross Stitch Patterns

I’m going to go ahead and admit that I totally missed Toy Story 4, so it took my by surprise when Toy Story 5 came out, but let’s celebrate with some Toy Story cross stitch patterns. 

This sweet design including Woody, Buzz and Jessie is from The Xstitch Shop, and they actually have a few different Toy Story options. This one says it is for intermediate stitches, probably because of the size and number of colors, but the sales page doesn’t say how big it is or how many colors it uses. It’s still cute, though!

If you’ve got a fan of Jessie in your household, this collection of Jessie themed icons is super cute to stitch. The design is from Mercury Stitches and it measures 97 by 144 stitches. that comes out to 6.9 by 10.3 inches, or 17.6 by 26.1 cm, and uses 11 colors. It has full and half cross stitches, as well as back stitching and French knots. 

Share the love of friendship with this sweet Woody and Buzz heart hands cross stitch pattern from Pixell Patterns. This design uses eight colors and is shown worked on 14 count fabric, but the notes don’t indicate how bit is is (based on a finished project photo, though, it looks pretty big). 

And for the Buzz Lightyear fans, of course we have to have a “To infinity and beyond” pattern, so here’s one from Silver Lake Stitches. This design is super cute on blue fabric, but use whatever you have. It measures 78 by 92 stitches, which comes out to 5.6 by 6.6 inches, or 14.2 by 16.7 cm, on 14 count fabric. It calls for 14 colors. 

Or if you want to go beyond the core three main character toys, check out this project from ThreeOOne Patterns, which includes our main toys as well as Bo Peep and her sheep, Bullseye the horse, the Slinky dog, Rex, Ham, the Potato Heads and an alien. The design is 310 by 80 stitches, which comes out to 21.14 by 3.5 inches, or 53.7 by 8.9 cm, when worked on 14 count fabric. It uses 65 colors. Or pick out your favorite characters to make a smaller project. 

All those characters and a few more are found on the mini Toy Story character sampler from Knotalot UK (only part of which is shown above). This one uses 31 colors and measures 134 by 108 stitches. It includes whole and fractional stitches, as well as back stitching. On 14 count fabric stitching the whole thing would make a project that’s 9.57 by 7.71 inches, or 24.31 by 19.59 cm.