Review: I Got 99 Problems But a Stitch Ain’t One

Subversive or salty cross-stitch patterns are a lot of fun to make and to display in your home or give as gifts. These sorts of projects refute the reputation of cross stitch as being something for little old ladies or schoolchildren’s samplers. They are fun, funny and might just make you blush a little bit.

Genevieve Brading’s book I Got 99 Problems But a Stitch Ain’t One: Cross-Stitch with Attitude features 20 designs that will be particularly though not exclusively attractive to younger crafters.

Statements like “What Would Beyonce Do?” and “In Taylor We Trust” definitely appeal to a certain demographic. Some use language you might not want on your wall if children are present. Others will appeal to a range of stitches, such as the “Wallet? Phone? Keys?” design to put where you keep your daily essentials, or “No Speaking Before Coffee” to keep near the office coffeepot.

The book includes a nice overview of the basics of stitching, the tools you need and how to frame your finished projects. The charts are large and most don’t use that many colors and mostly include words and pretty straightforward designs that would be great for beginners.

This book would be a great gift for a younger person (teens and up) you might be trying to get interested in cross stitch, or for stitchers of any age who are up on popular culture and don’t mind swearing. A lot of the projects in here would also make great gifts (I’m thinking hard about “Namaste and S**t” for my yoga instructor friend).

About the Book: 96 pages, hardcover, 20 patterns. Published October 2016 by Mitchell Beazley, retail price $12.99

Looking for more Snarky or Subversive Cross stitch charts and designs? Check these out on Etsy.

Most of the cross stitch projects I make are pretty small and not something I would consider heirloom quality (though I am working on a big project for my daughter that I hope to have done for her high school graduation in two years that I hope is something she’ll want to keep forever, but that’s another story).

But it is definitely possible to cross stitch projects that will stay around for generations, and one prime example of that is a cross-stitched linen tablecloth.

Linen tablecloths are classic, while stitching one can be a big project, depending on the size of your table, it doesn’t have to be really complicated.

Koekoek has a good, detailed post about figuring out how much linen you would need to make a tablecloth that you can cross stitch and/or embroider on (they also sell tablecloth linen in their shop if you don’t already have some or a linen tablecloth you already use). Of course for a project like this you’d want the best fabric you can find and afford, because you’ll be stitching it for a long time and hopefully using it for years.

The post walks through how to measure your table and determine how much fabric you’ll need including the drop you’ll want and hems. It includes the math for rectangular and square tables as well as circular tables, which helps take the guesswork out of buying fabric. It also talks about preparing the fabric and making mitered corners if you have a square or rectangular table, which will help the tablecloth sit nicely on your table.

The tutorial doesn’t include specific patterns to use for your tablecloth, but it does advise keeping it simple because this is a really big project. You can start with a motif in the center or doing borders, and this is a project you can add to through the years by, say, stitching a symbol for each family member or adding names, wedding dates, etc. and making it a real record of your family.

Would you ever cross stitch a tablecloth or have you done so? I’d love to hear about it!

[Photo: Koekoek]

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